Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Shock Of Nonexistence
Last night I experienced a shock of nonexistence. You know, that frightful feeling one has when they realize that they will inevitably die. Today, in hopes of analysing this seemingly rational fear of one's own end, I decided to write a blog post about it. Yet, I inevitably failed miserably. I might try again in the near future, but I don't know yet, maybe my heart just isn't in it right now. Yet, through my failure I discovered this beautiful poem by Philip Larkin. In his piece, Aubade, Larkin says everything I wanted to and more. Reading this work, I realized that my feeble attempts at tackling this subject matter came no where near his beautiful, raw, and informative poem. I can only hope to one day write something this touching. Call it being humbled as a writer.
Aubade - Philip Larkin
I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what's really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
- The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast, moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear - no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anasthetic from which none come round.
And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small, unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.
Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can't escape,
Yet can't accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.
Aubade - Philip Larkin
I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what's really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
- The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast, moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear - no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anasthetic from which none come round.
And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small, unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.
Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can't escape,
Yet can't accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Home
This past weekend I went home for the first time in 8 weeks. It was a strange experience to say the least. It was nice, but odd.
Conversations Of A Monday
In 8am class
Student 1: Monday joke, probably relating in some way shape or form to Office Space.
Student 2: Laugh
Student 1: Weekend?
Student 2: Weekend.
Student 1: Philosophy joke.
Student: It's too early for this shit.
Buying Lunch
Customer: Buying lunch.
Server: Silence.
Customer: Asks about server's day.
Server: Silence.
Customer: Tells the server to have nice day.
Server: Silence.
Customer: Leaves
Customer 2: Has a long conversation with the server about their respective weekend activities, the weather, and the meaning of life.
Talking To Roommate
Person: Asks how day was.
Roommate: Grunts.
Person: Asks roommate to turn down bad music and to clean up his shit. Also to put on a shirt.
Roommate: Inaudible grunt.
Person: Grabs bag and leaves for the library. To try and do homework, but in reality to flirt with cute girls.
Roommate: Eats food that is not his own.
Going To Sleep
Person: Internal monologue about how tomorrow will be better.
Internal Self: Tomorrow will not be better.
Person: Curses internal self. Also goes takes a piss.
Internal Self: Realizes a paper person forgot about is due tomorrow.
Person: Ignores wisdom of internal self. Goes to sleep. Curses world.
Student 1: Monday joke, probably relating in some way shape or form to Office Space.
Student 2: Laugh
Student 1: Weekend?
Student 2: Weekend.
Student 1: Philosophy joke.
Student: It's too early for this shit.
Buying Lunch
Customer: Buying lunch.
Server: Silence.
Customer: Asks about server's day.
Server: Silence.
Customer: Tells the server to have nice day.
Server: Silence.
Customer: Leaves
Customer 2: Has a long conversation with the server about their respective weekend activities, the weather, and the meaning of life.
Talking To Roommate
Person: Asks how day was.
Roommate: Grunts.
Person: Asks roommate to turn down bad music and to clean up his shit. Also to put on a shirt.
Roommate: Inaudible grunt.
Person: Grabs bag and leaves for the library. To try and do homework, but in reality to flirt with cute girls.
Roommate: Eats food that is not his own.
Going To Sleep
Person: Internal monologue about how tomorrow will be better.
Internal Self: Tomorrow will not be better.
Person: Curses internal self. Also goes takes a piss.
Internal Self: Realizes a paper person forgot about is due tomorrow.
Person: Ignores wisdom of internal self. Goes to sleep. Curses world.
The Road
Gravel, Assault, Pavement,
Whatever you call it,
it helps you move,
helps you live.
You go on a trip,
just drive,
travel to a far away land.
What are you looking for,
perspective, worldly insight, answers to your problems?
Or purely humorous anecdotes?
Those are cool too.
So you travel.
You meet people,
some are interesting, funny, nice.
Some are not.
You spend hours at highway rest stops,
waiting for that conversation to make all your toils worthwhile.
But, that person, that story, that communication...it never comes.
So you get back in your car and drive.
Back to your life,
and to the people that love you.
Whatever you call it,
it helps you move,
helps you live.
You go on a trip,
just drive,
travel to a far away land.
What are you looking for,
perspective, worldly insight, answers to your problems?
Or purely humorous anecdotes?
Those are cool too.
So you travel.
You meet people,
some are interesting, funny, nice.
Some are not.
You spend hours at highway rest stops,
waiting for that conversation to make all your toils worthwhile.
But, that person, that story, that communication...it never comes.
So you get back in your car and drive.
Back to your life,
and to the people that love you.
Mad Men Finale
Kevin is an interesting fellow. Below he rants about fictional people who are both racist and sexist. If they weren't fictional most of them would be dead today. Enjoy.
The following post will have spoilers of the final episode of this season of Mad Men. You have been warned. Though, really, if you're reading this, you should have watched it yet. It was so good.
Three years ago, the Mad Men finale involved a heartfelt monologue from Don Draper about family and how the Carousel projector from Kodak incorporated the idea of family. Most of the major action ("Mr. Campbell, who cares?") had taken place the previous episode, but it was a great episode emphasizing the family structure and set up the total tonal shift of the show to a focus on the women in season two.
The next year, the finale, set against the Cuban Missile Crisis, had an understandable air of chaos, but still made time for Don begging to get Betty back, Betty finding out she's pregnant and hooking up with a stranger in a bathroom, and Peggy delivering her legendary monologue to Pete about having his child. Lots of drama, not so much sentimentality.
Last year, Mad Men ended with its one and only purely fun hour, which felt like a reward to each and every one of it's fans. Great music, great character interactions, a great idea, great lines... One of the best episodes ever produced by this show. It left you wanting to see the next episode as soon as possible.
Last night, Mad Men took one of its characters to a place he should never have been, yet it made the ultimate sense that he was there. Don Draper became Roger Sterling last night. He officially became passé, ridiculous, an object of mockery from the women in the office. He made an impulsive and stupid decision with one woman, completely screwed over another, and made peace with the one who's been in his life all along.
I don't want to break down every element of the episode, but just for highlights:
-- Betty firing Carla was heartbreaking. Even though I've been a defender of Betty's despite her behavior this season, that was too much to handle. It was heinous. Don's anger was wholly and completely justified.
-- However, we then see Betty in a completely different light by episode's end. You see exactly how in love she is with Don and how not in love she is with Henry. You see how childish she still is. You see her rocking that incredibly fierce purple jacket. (Only I would notice that.) And you truly pity her because at the end of the day, she's not really at fault for how her life turned out. She's been screwed over by men (her father, Don, Henry) at every turn.
-- Don's been spiraling out of control all season, headed towards...something, but we could never figure out what. And then he impulsively proposed to his secretary (!) and screwed over a woman he's in an incredibly stable relationship with. In other words, he became Roger Sterling. And no one likes Roger Sterling anymore, so what's to be said for that?
-- GO PEGGY! What an amazing season for our girl. She got all her problems aired out in The Suitcase, got the recognition she needed, and proceeded to kick ass the rest of the season. Landing that account was a work of genius that proves that if Don is now the Roger Sterling, Peggy is the Don Draper. It felt so good to cheer for her, too.
-- The scene in the office with Joan and Peggy was honestly one of the best scenes in the show's history. From the first line ("What could possibly be on your mind?") to the shared laughter at the end was just beautifully acted, written, and one of the most empathetic scenes we've ever seen. But something to note: even when they're sympathizing with each other, Peggy still does not congratulate Joan on her new position. They may be closer than ever, but Peggy still sees herself as above Joan.
-- Dr. Faye Miller may be one of the best people to ever walk through the Mad Men world...so, naturally, she'd get treated like utter crap. That phone call was heartwrenching to watch, because honestly, she did absolutely nothing wrong. She was exactly the right woman...and Don would never be with her. How incredibly sad.
-- Roger's reaction to the news of Don's engagement is fascinating. He went from "Who the hell is that?" to "Congratulations!" so quickly, and I wondered why. Then I realized: he saw Don's engagement as a validation of what he did with Jane three years ago. He wanted to be proven right after all this time.
-- I wouldn't be surprised if we have a bigger time leap next year. The one thing Mad Men has never done with a major character is show their wedding. I don't see how this would be any different. We'll see them again either when Don and Megan are married or when their engagement is over. No other option.
That's a lot more analysis than I planned on writing, but I hadn't quite realized how much there was to ponder. Now I'm wondering about you guys' feelings. What did you think of the episode? Where do you think we're headed next year? Is next year the show's last? (My opinion: yes, sadly.) Take it all to the comments!
The following post will have spoilers of the final episode of this season of Mad Men. You have been warned. Though, really, if you're reading this, you should have watched it yet. It was so good.
Three years ago, the Mad Men finale involved a heartfelt monologue from Don Draper about family and how the Carousel projector from Kodak incorporated the idea of family. Most of the major action ("Mr. Campbell, who cares?") had taken place the previous episode, but it was a great episode emphasizing the family structure and set up the total tonal shift of the show to a focus on the women in season two.
The next year, the finale, set against the Cuban Missile Crisis, had an understandable air of chaos, but still made time for Don begging to get Betty back, Betty finding out she's pregnant and hooking up with a stranger in a bathroom, and Peggy delivering her legendary monologue to Pete about having his child. Lots of drama, not so much sentimentality.
Last year, Mad Men ended with its one and only purely fun hour, which felt like a reward to each and every one of it's fans. Great music, great character interactions, a great idea, great lines... One of the best episodes ever produced by this show. It left you wanting to see the next episode as soon as possible.
Last night, Mad Men took one of its characters to a place he should never have been, yet it made the ultimate sense that he was there. Don Draper became Roger Sterling last night. He officially became passé, ridiculous, an object of mockery from the women in the office. He made an impulsive and stupid decision with one woman, completely screwed over another, and made peace with the one who's been in his life all along.
I don't want to break down every element of the episode, but just for highlights:
-- Betty firing Carla was heartbreaking. Even though I've been a defender of Betty's despite her behavior this season, that was too much to handle. It was heinous. Don's anger was wholly and completely justified.
-- However, we then see Betty in a completely different light by episode's end. You see exactly how in love she is with Don and how not in love she is with Henry. You see how childish she still is. You see her rocking that incredibly fierce purple jacket. (Only I would notice that.) And you truly pity her because at the end of the day, she's not really at fault for how her life turned out. She's been screwed over by men (her father, Don, Henry) at every turn.
-- Don's been spiraling out of control all season, headed towards...something, but we could never figure out what. And then he impulsively proposed to his secretary (!) and screwed over a woman he's in an incredibly stable relationship with. In other words, he became Roger Sterling. And no one likes Roger Sterling anymore, so what's to be said for that?
-- GO PEGGY! What an amazing season for our girl. She got all her problems aired out in The Suitcase, got the recognition she needed, and proceeded to kick ass the rest of the season. Landing that account was a work of genius that proves that if Don is now the Roger Sterling, Peggy is the Don Draper. It felt so good to cheer for her, too.
-- The scene in the office with Joan and Peggy was honestly one of the best scenes in the show's history. From the first line ("What could possibly be on your mind?") to the shared laughter at the end was just beautifully acted, written, and one of the most empathetic scenes we've ever seen. But something to note: even when they're sympathizing with each other, Peggy still does not congratulate Joan on her new position. They may be closer than ever, but Peggy still sees herself as above Joan.
-- Dr. Faye Miller may be one of the best people to ever walk through the Mad Men world...so, naturally, she'd get treated like utter crap. That phone call was heartwrenching to watch, because honestly, she did absolutely nothing wrong. She was exactly the right woman...and Don would never be with her. How incredibly sad.
-- Roger's reaction to the news of Don's engagement is fascinating. He went from "Who the hell is that?" to "Congratulations!" so quickly, and I wondered why. Then I realized: he saw Don's engagement as a validation of what he did with Jane three years ago. He wanted to be proven right after all this time.
-- I wouldn't be surprised if we have a bigger time leap next year. The one thing Mad Men has never done with a major character is show their wedding. I don't see how this would be any different. We'll see them again either when Don and Megan are married or when their engagement is over. No other option.
That's a lot more analysis than I planned on writing, but I hadn't quite realized how much there was to ponder. Now I'm wondering about you guys' feelings. What did you think of the episode? Where do you think we're headed next year? Is next year the show's last? (My opinion: yes, sadly.) Take it all to the comments!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
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