Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

10 Things I Learned This Week

The 10 Things I Learned During Finals Week

1. Spilling tea on yourself burns. Badly.

2. Just because the library is open 24 hours a day doesn't mean you should be there at 4am.

3. Just because the on-campus diner is open 24 hours a day doesn't mean you should be there at 4am.

4. 6 hours of sleep is a restful night.

5. Conversations between bro's and valley girl's change from hormone fueled exchanges to pleasant chats about human nature according to Sartre.

6. Making 18 page study guides isn't uncommon.

7. You will not receive. extra credit for filling in your final with tears. Or your own blood.

8. Checking your friends photos has nothing to do with calculus.

9. Facebook status's about how much finals suck do not fully encapsulate how much finals suck.

10. Helen Jane Long albums are the pinnacle of beauty at 5am.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Silent State

This is the time of year when the life of a college student becomes just a little crazy. Copious amounts of work coupled with impending finals exams inevitably interfere with the update of this blog. However, once all this work is finished, I will fly home to San Francisco to spend the holidays with my family. So in short, there may not be any substantial updates until the new year. If it's an consolation, here is the cutest picture ever.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Palin Needs Her Meat

Apparently the Palin family needs to kill harmless animals in order to have meat for the winter. You know, between appearances on Dancing With The Stars. Assholes.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Dr. Doom Rules The Day

Around 2pm on Tuesday afternoon, The League Of Associated Super Villains organized a parade in New York City to celebrate the retirement of the Human Torch from crime fighting. Torch, who's real name is Jonathan Lowell Spencer "Johnny" Storm, said in a prepared statement that the early retirement was due to him not being able to procure health insurance from any of the major carriers. Storm articulated his point further on his blog when he stated in a post entitled "Why I Quit Saving The World," "I have a family now, and every night I have this dream. My wife and I joke that we shouldn't talk about it, but in this dream I die. I suit up, meet up with my fellow fantastics, and engage in regular crime fighting activities. However, by the end of the fight I am always mortally injured. I can't put my family through that anymore." When asked to comment on this development, Dr. Doom said, "Wahaha."

The Dreams Of A Doll

Barbie is a lady, a lady of perfection. She skis, swims, and teachers underprivileged children. She also has a perfect relationship, and wears copious amounts of J. Crew. When Barbie goes to parties she is the center of attention. Barbie is never lonely, frustrated, or upset. Girls the world over need a role model, why not Barbie?

When Barbie goes to the beach, she always applies enough SPF 70 to avoid ugly freckles. Her motivation for caring for her skin comes from when a slightly overweight doctor once told her that, "No one loves a girl with melanoma."

Barbie always wanted to go to med school, but upon realizing that scrubs do nothing for your ass, she decided to instead double major in fashion design and perfect cleavage. Business Barbie is the perfect gift for a young lady.

Barbie is the maid of honor at her friend Stephanie's wedding. An ugly rumor once circulated that Ken and Stephanie were fucking like bunnies. However, Barbie doesn't listen to stupid talk, and instead, is blindly loyal to her man. Because really, what is more important than love and friendship? Barbie sometimes takes the long way home, sits in a field, and doesn't know what to feel. Her heart is plastic, but only on a bad day. Wedding Barbie is the perfect gift for a young lady.

When Barbie goes shopping, she only buys clothes in a size zero. Because zero rhythms with hero, and every young lady needs a role model. When Barbie wears clothes she occasionally feels like a princess trapped in a castle, patiently awaiting for Ken to set her free, but Ken is too busy fucking Stephanie. Allegedly. Shopping Barbie is the perfect gift for a young lady.

When Barbie goes waterskiing she occasionally likes to drink. On the rare occasion that Barbie gets inebriated, she tends to jump out of the boat and lay on her back in the center of the lake, crying. Barbie doesn't know why she cries, but her psychiatrist believes it may be due to emotional trauma or eating too much food. Probably the latter. When there is a storm, Barbie especially likes to cry in the lake while watching the lighting hit nearby trees. Secretly hoping that a lighting bolt will strike her, acting as a proverbial shotgun blast, and bring her back to life. Waterskiing Barbie is the perfect gift for a young lady.

Barbie likes to sing, and on occasion, dance, when in the shower. However, she has a tendency to fall down, and when Ken finds her the next morning, she has no recollection of how she got the bruises. Pop Star Barbie is the perfect gift for a young lady.

Barbie wants to dream, but she is unable to. Her friends talk about what they dream of, comparing theories, trading stories. These same friends also age. Time will not take a hold of Barbie. It refuses. Barbie realises she shouldn't speak of this, so she doesn't. Instead she smiles. When Barbie can't smile anymore, she remembers to look towards the night's sky and count her lucky stars. However, when Barbie tries to do this, she sees no stars, only plastic wrapping.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Frames

Last night I saw The Frames at the Avalon Theatre in LA. If you have the chance, see this band live. They are nothing short of amazing.